I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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