I looked at my own cervix.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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