I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
