i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
