Buhtt sex?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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