Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
