White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
