I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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