Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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