I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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