next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
