I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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