i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
