I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
