When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
