i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
