dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
