don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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