i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
