you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
