Having a random hookup so left but love u
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
