I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The adults are the big ones right?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
