All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
