someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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