Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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