where am i from again
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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