found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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