I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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