Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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