1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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