Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
from now on my penis is your penis
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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