yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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