Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
