Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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