remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
