Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
