my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
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Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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