i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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