i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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