look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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