So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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