btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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