at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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