no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
