Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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