So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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