Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
