Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
