Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
