12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
