All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
