i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
it's like iHOP with fire
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
