Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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