i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
