Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
