is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
