it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
