i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
