dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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