Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
