Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He did a backflip because drugs
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
