You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
