my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
