So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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