So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
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Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
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I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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