The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
