I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
