i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
